Blood Gnome (2004)



Directed by John Lechago

The movie starts off on a typical note of having us get to know our Carradine look-a-like "hero" Daniel (Vinnie Bilancio). He is a C.S.I photographer who was called to shoot pictures of an eccentric murder scene. He quickly makes friends with the lovely lady Divinity (Melissa Pursley) who came to the scene with interest since she knew the deceased who were involved. After talking with Divinity, Daniel develops a curiosity for her BDSM profession (and a crush on her) and decides to investigate more into it since there seems to be a connection with that kind of sex play and the murders that are happening.

On the other side of the plot, we find out that the person in charge of all the evil is Divinity's mistress Elandra, who isn't just into BDSM, but is the drug maker of the substance Xx10 (ecstasy times 10). This is really big with those who play blood sports in the BDSM community. This is also where our blood gnomes come in. The drug comes from the mother blood gnome, that apparently lives in an unplugged freezer in the garage of Elandra. She is also the only one with tentacles, unfortunately. The liquid that comes from the parts that are exposed while she is giving birth is used to make Xx10. How does all this come together you say? You guessed it, the mother gives birth to the blood gnomes that are unleashed on to those who are "playing" in blood sports. They slash and gnaw everyone in their presence to make food for their mother which equals her giving birth again and more liquid to make Xx10 with.

awww, isn't it cute?

Daniel discovered the blood gnomes right away through his camera while shooting. They are invisible to the naked eye but some how show up while he has his eye at the lens. Of course no one believes him and though it might look like he has major issues (not saying he doesn't), Daniel figures everything out and at the end he does save and get the girl. Though it seemed like he had her from the beginning...

I only recommend this movie to those who enjoy retro pin up girls. I was going to say also for those who enjoy crappy movies, but hey, if you are here, then you already do. Basically this movie was someone's fetish put onto film. There was a lot more soft core scenes than there was of the blood gnomes. Though with the quality of the puppets, it is almost better that way. You know it is bad when Julie Strain only appears in it for 3-4 minutes.